April Fools' Day

01 April 2004 | Faith & Society

A visitor about to be introduced to an egomaniacal ruler heard him roar with laughter and so said to herself, ‘At least he has a sense of humour.’ Alas, someone who laughs at himselfhas a sense of humour. Someone who laughs at others just has a sense of importance. Unlike Judaism, Christianity and Islam do not point out well that God, having invented the sense of humour, has one.

In the meantime here is a short guide to practical Christianity, found on an airline seat pocket card.

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Grace and peace be to you, dear disciple, from the management and staff of Christian Airways.

We especially welcome our frequent prayer customers and hope that you appreciated the convenience of boarding last (or occasionally first), in accordance with the principle that ‘the first shall be last and the last first’. Kindly bear with us as we work through slight teething problems in the application of this principle on a long-term basis. We also apologise if, owing to your having a reservation, we gave your seat to someone without.

Wherever you may be seated, many of our experienced travellers recommend some prior consultation with your neighbour before loving him or her as yourself.

Our whole company’s purpose is to speed you to your destination, or in the event of an accident, to heaven. Should an early arrival in heaven not fit with your travel plans, do make use of the emergency exits provided.

An episcopal lifejacket (purple) with a self-inflating ego is provided under your seat. To attract attention, wear the large cross. Please do not inflate your ego while still inside the aircraft.

We are glad to reassure our women passengers that the provision of a full range of lifejackets for them continues to be a subject for lively and wholesome debate.

In the event of a landing on water, walking is recommended.

During your flight we look forward to offering you wine together with a wide array of loaves and fishes. We apologise if, due to previous disciple selection, your choice of food is not available. Please gather up any food left over until it fills all the baskets provided.

Finally, on your arrival we are pleased to offer you full participation at no extra charge in our award-winning physical baggage service. This service ensures that you do not become too attached to your material possessions. However rest assured that your theological baggage will always be delivered safely.

 

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